1. |
Lisa!
02:43
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I wish
I could tell you how
Much you
Mean to me
Waking up by your side at
6am
Every day starting with your
Small
Green eyes
Saying Good
Morning!
Get out of bed
Won't you come spend the
Day with me and
Forget
All your problems just
Take a nap instead
And there's something
About the way you look at me
There's something
That makes you so damn precious
(x3)
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2. |
Spectral Flower Crowns
07:00
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The cold weather
And the rain-soaked days
Couldn't comfort a lonely heart
Set ablaze
But you
When I saw your texts, on my phone
It made me feel
Just a little less alone
The rumbly purr of your pickup
The scuff marks on your converse shoes
Fingers drawn through your dyed hair
Moving through the days of every hue
And I was hiding
And you were too
Telling daily lies
Just to pull through
So we ran away
Ran away
To a place where I could spend hours
Holding your gaze, 'til the
Sun goes down
The sun goes down
A kaleidoscope of happy tears
And flower crowns
Just me and you and an
Endless road
No destination
Just 'til our hearts explode
We'll find something
Eventually
Inside ourselves
A chorus of flowers
Blooming
You hated the weather
And those breakfast cafes
And how I bit my nails
On those boring days
But you loved the long drives
And just scraping by
Spending all night talking in the back of your car
'Til we watched the firey sky
Abandoned all responsibilities
The sun glimmering on your old tattoo
Exploring our queer sides
Gonna make it through
Cuz we didn't feel quite safe
And our dorms or at our homes
So we huddled together
Wreathed in polychrome
So we ran away
Ran away
To a place where I could spend hours
Holding your gaze, 'til the
Sun goes down
The sun goes down
A kaleidoscope of happy tears
And flower crowns
Just me and you and an
Endless road
No destination
Just 'til our hearts explode
We'll find something
Eventually
Inside ourselves
A chorus of flowers
Blooming
But eventually
The money was gone and
You just dropped out
And I never saw your purple hair again
My whole life was
Just washed out
Our ghosts will meet again
Someday
In a dense flowerbed
Making friends with the fae
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3. |
trust ur gay lil heart
04:42
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Cold faces
Staring at me
Eyes fall out
Looking up from the floor
And I shrink
Crawl into myself
What's that for?
What's that for?
But I know
They aren't around me
They were always there
In the back of my head
And I don't
Give a fuck if they
Peer right through me
I've got plenty of things
Inside of me
That I wish were dead
Come and kill me
And take
Them
Away
But a hole in the universe
Shaped like me
Won't make all the things
That I wish I could be
What
Doesn't
Belong
But maybe
We can take
All that trash
Burning inside
And all the things
That I'm still here for
And make something
With a purpose
What's the
Reason for
A body that's
Fundamentally wrong
And I've spent years trying to break it down
With needles and
Storebought hormones
And lonely songs
I think I'm best
Visibly queer
But I've a constant focus on my
Mismatched parts
Tell me
That I'm still unified
My guts and skin
Make incoherent art
Fucked up
Fading
Wondering why
You're still here
Representing
What you can't change
But you
You've got a voice
And goddamn
It might hurt
But you're shining
You deserve to be heard
I've got plenty of things
Inside of me
That I wish were dead
Come and kill me
And take
Them
Away
But a hole in the universe
Shaped like me
Won't make all the things
That I wish I could be
What
Doesn't
Belong
But maybe
We can take
All that trash
Burning inside
And all the things
That I'm still here for
And make something
With a purpose
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4. |
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I'm glad you fucked up
When we were teens
I'm glad those pills you took
Didn't leave you just in my dreams
I'm glad I had you
And your daily texts
That would've been lost
And I would've been next
You helped pull me through
Those hopeless years, alone and afraid
And I wanted to give
You the same
So please promise me
That you won't leave
I can't do this with
Just your memory
Never thought I'd survive the loneliness
Never thought I would ever see you again
Never believed I would ever be happy
Never thought I'd make it back from Washington
Never thought I'd get to live as a woman
Never thought I was gonna hit twenty-five
And every time I think about the past I cry cuz
I never thought we'd make it here alive
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5. |
possum mood
04:23
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Ten years ago you left a scar on my brain
I had to ignore it just to survive
But it shaped the bad parts of who I am
Just a fuckup reaching for another drink
Or five
And now I grind down my teeth when I sleep
I'm afraid to wear short sleeves
But whatever, it's my own fault
At least that's what I tell myself
So I can pretend I don't have to
Grieve
Sometimes I wish I was a possum
So I didn't feel so responsible
For being a trash mammal
It's the little things that bury deep inside you
Haunting your dreams with
Bizarre anxieties
Sometimes I wish I was a raccoon
So I didn't understand
The words you said
And what am I supposed to do now
How is anyone supposed to
Move on?
What do you do with a learned behavior
A dependency on blaming yourself
For everything
Cuz I still drink and hurt myself
And tend to think of it as a cause
And not a symptom
It's just what I do to try and get by
Cuz it's a bit easier to just not
Feel anything
And you might think that sounds kinda sad
I'm sure it does but I don't know what else
To cling to
They fuck you up, they do,
And add some extra just for you
And I wanna forgive you, I do,
And just stay a goddamn mess
Sometimes I wish I was a possum
So I didn't feel so responsible
For being a trash mammal
It's the little things that bury deep inside you
Haunting your dreams with
Bizarre anxieties
Sometimes I wish I was a raccoon
So I didn't understand
The words you said
And what am I supposed to do now
How is anyone supposed to
Move on?
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6. |
Drugged Dreams
01:18
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7. |
born soft
07:31
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Wasting time
Dreaming 'bout the girl she was always
Really meant to be
But she
Doesn't understand
What that even means
Of course it makes no sense
Just
Wasting her youth
Hours ticking past
Blurring into
Nameless years
Sliding closer
To one edge or the other
Terrified
By the thought of being real
Much more so than
Non-existence
Praying she'll wake up the right way
One of these hopeless days
But
Until then
It's headphones in
Block everything out
And
Try to
Get by
'Til she finds the
Courage
I wish
I could tell her
The way things could be
Instead of a blurred identity
But she just listens
To hopeless emo songs
Repressing all the memories
Ignoring all the things she longs
And fuck she wishes
She could hide in nameless alleyways
And forget she exists
Before that's how it actually is
But it's not time
She's got no fight
Staring at the walls
Waiting for it to be over
Thinking about
How things could be
Just a bit better
Without being called son
Wasting time
Dreaming 'bout the girl she was really
Really meant to be
Wasting
Her youth
Hours ticking past
Blurring into
Nameless years
Sliding closer
To one edge or
The other
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8. |
pastel bastard
02:53
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I'm running on no sleep
Pushed to the extreme
Head full of empty parking lots
And bad dreams
Got nightmarish eyes
Been out of it since last fall
And I didn't really feel like I was
Anyone at all, I'm
Kinda glad I didn't crash
My car that night
Would've missed out on all
The late drives, talks, and fights but
Can I stay with you tonight
I don't wanna go home
I need someone I
Can't be alone
Just me and you, a tune
Against the heavy world
Peering out at eons
Of dark storm clouds
Fueled by hormones,
A second wind
Better than the first one
Fuck, that was pretty cringe, I'm
Past the worst parts,
At least I hope
Melancholy days and
The worst ways to cope, but
Actually though
I'm doing alright
At least for today no
Inner demons to fight
We're doing just fine
Doing just fine
Doing just fine
Doing just fine
Doing just fine
Doing just fine
Really though we're doing alright
Na na na na na na na (x7)
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9. |
Japan Interlude
01:54
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10. |
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I've been thinking a lot lately about
All those years, alone and afraid
I've been thinking a lot lately about
Whether I've really changed
I've been kinda afraid lately about
What might happen on those hard nights
I've been kinda afraid lately about
What I don't have the strength to fight
Do you ever worry about
What's inside your head
Do you ever worry about
All those things those dark thoughts said
Do you ever think about how
That one time shaped your whole life
Do you ever think about how
You're still scared to look at knives
Do you ever dream about
Getting better, no more crying
I've been thinking about it a lot
Oyasumi-nasai
Pun-pun
I will never forget that feeling
It's burned into my head and arms
I will never go a day without
Thinking about it at least one time
You always say that I'm doing better at
Picking myself up out of that hole
I agree, but I'm still so terrified of
Dropping so deep I won't be here anymore
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11. |
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I appreciate the kindness when
I tell you about my panic attack
And you say "no worries" and just
Invite me over to your place
And I know you'll always be around
Just a text away to give me company
And a shoulder and a safe place where
I don't have to worry about anything
And we can spend all night long
Drinking bottles of sake
And playing N64
Mario party
But I don't think it'll make
Much of a difference
No I'm sorry tomorrow it won't make
Much of a difference, 'cuz
I don't think I'm ever gonna get better
I don't think I'm ever gonna change
'Cuz every day's a bitter reminder
That I'm never gonna leave this fucked up headspace
The nightmares are starting to come back
And they all scare the hell out of me
'Cuz no matter how much I'll do today
I'll be back at square one tomorrow and nothing's ever gonna
Change
I can't quite give you enough thanks for
Sticking around and helping set me straight
After everything I've put you through
Having second chances feels pretty great
But I know I'm an emotional wreck
Can't help feeling like a burden to you
And I don't blame you for not asking much
'Cuz I probably won't ever come through
And said you never
Wanted to hear again
About cigarettes
And I wish I could
Promise to us both
But these scars tell a different story
And promise a never-ending threat and
I'm just
So tired
Of trying to make the voice in my head
Just a little quieter
And I can't see myself ever moving on
This sadness tastes so familiar
And every night that I dream of dying
Promises I won't get any better
I don't think I'm ever gonna get better
I don't think I'm ever gonna change
I don't think I'm ever gonna be happy
'Cuz I don't think I deserve to be happy
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12. |
embracing the v o i d
05:19
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Let me
Touch you
Let me
Kiss you
I see trees
Glimmering
In far
Away places
I think dreams are
What we become
When we all die
I don't think I'll
Ever get better, is
What I keep
Telling myself like
I'll stop dreaming
When I fall apart
When I see the
Foggy stars
Dripping into the
Back of my brain
Senseless actions
Pick up my chains
Holding me down
Dragging me down
'Til I hit the
Soft ocean ground
Gasping for breath
Hopelessly telling
Myself that
I'll be okay
As if that'll change
The way that
My brain responds to
Panicky motions
Dreaming outside
Reality shimmering
Into darkened fog
My hands
Trembling
Keep a grip on myself
Hold my body still
With your sharp teeth
Painting mistakes
On my arms and
Fingers scraping
For more harm
If I could just
Forget myself
Maybe I'd be
Free from breaths
And maybe I'd
Have a better sense
Of my own
Emotions
If those years
Were to change
If they were all
Scraped away
Touch my face and
Pull out my eyes
Melt my flesh
Into dripping
Buckets of
What I used to be
Where I'll always
End up staying
And I wish
I didn't
Cling to
What makes me worse
And I wish
I wasn't
The worst version
Of myself
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13. |
Proximity
04:02
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I don't wanna
Get too close to you
I don't wanna
Get too close to you
Don't pretend
We're better together
'Cause we understand
Eachother
Don't pretend
It's anything other than
Traumatic proximity
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Skullpossum Salt Lake City, Utah
DIY solo queer indie vibes.
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